Shopping With The Kids

"TWO HOURS IN WAL-MART…"

Here is another story in the continuing saga of life with three preschool boys.. 

My list was long... "diapers, make-up, detergent, shampoo, baby wipes, swim 
suit, bathroom cleaner, etc." Being the efficiently minded person that I am, 
I had my list and corresponding coupons all made out in the order the aisles 
go in the store. (Having done this routine weekly for nearly four years now, I 
know exactly where everything is located. In fact, I have often helped other 
shoppers find items much quicker than store personnel!) I took a deep 
breath, loaded my three preschool-age boys into the car, and pulled out of 
the driveway. As I looked into the rearview mirror at each of the children sitting 
peacefully in their car seats, I felt confident this trip would be a breeze.

Less than two hundred yards down the road, it happened. "Stop hitting me!" 
"Gimme that!" "Mom, Noah 'pooped' in his diaper!" "I want something to 
eat!" "Mom, Noah took off his diaper!" I once again gazed into the rearview 
mirror and realized I might need to call in the forces on this trip. I 
reached for the car phone and frantically dialed up the number of a good 
friend. In the process of doing so, I instructed (read: hollered at) my boys 
to settle down while I made the call. The phone rang three times. "Great," 
I thought to myself. "She is not at home." God was watching over me, 
however, as by the fourth ring, she answered. "Christy!" I said, very 
cheerfully. "How would you like to accompany me to Wal-Mart today? I have 
not seen you in awhile and perhaps we could grab some McDonald's for lunch 
while there!"

Of course, as I suspected, Christy agreed to meet me there. Thank goodness! 
I really did want to get together, but, admittedly, deep down I knew I could 
not trust myself to handle the three wild animals I had caged in the back of 
my car. I hung up the phone, and once again, the call of the wild commenced. 
"Are we there yet?" "I'm hungry!" "I want to buy some candy when we get 
there!" I sighed as I continued down the road. The store was merely three 
miles away, but today, it might as well have been 100.

As luck would have it, the parking lot was full. I circled the lot, not with 
a prime parking space in mind, but in search of one of those few available 
shopping carts that have the two extra seats attached. Frankly, I do not 
know why I bother getting those carts, as I can barely keep the boys in it, 
but it does afford me some piece of mind knowing that the carts come equipped 
with straps on each seat, should I need to lay down the law in the diaper 
aisle! I find a cart and then spot a parking space in an area that seems to 
be a quarter mile away. "Boys," I command them. "I am going to park the car 
now and then we will get out, hold hands, and run like mad to get that one 
cart clear up by the front of the store before someone else gets it."

Fate was on my side and we made it to the cart before someone else got it. 
(Actually, my competition for any cart in the parking lot at that moment was 
an elderly man and a teenage boy, neither of whom I could imagine would want 
the semi-truck-like cart I was after. Nonetheless, it was the thrill of the 
chase!)

Once inside Wal-Mart, I stopped by the McDonald's inside. Of course, being 
near the noon hour, I had to wait in line with my three boys. What a 
challenge! Wait! I take that back! I did not have to wait in line with 
them because they did not stay in line with me. The youngest crawled from 
the seat (Yes, he can get out of the safety belt…didn't you know that those 
were designed to see how quickly kids could escape from them?!) and into the 
back of the cart, resolutely smashing my bag and all that was inside of it. 
He was then trying to climb out the back of the cart. Meanwhile, the older 
two boys had already circled the front part of the store three times. I kept 
calling (shouting!) their names and could only hear in passing, "Over here, 
Mom!" With one hand on the cart and two eyes scouring the store, I tried to 
keep my boys in sight while I waited to order. 

Meanwhile, a middle-aged woman standing behind me asked, "How old are they? 
They sure are cute." I responded appropriately while maintaining a visual 
field on my troops. She continued to engage in conversation with me, every 
now and again advising me as to the boys' whereabouts.

After ordering and receiving our food, I motioned the boys to a table. Of 
course, the table I chose was not the table the older boy chose. A mild 
threat not to buy a much-wanted toy for that young man resulted in the only 
winning battle of the day for me. We all sat down and commenced to eat. My 
friend Christy finally arrived with her one-year-old son, who, by the way, 
remained relatively controlled the whole time we all were together.

After lunch, the games began. I had to figure out how I could purchase my 23 
items in less than an hour without forgetting anything and without 
over-purchasing. Thank goodness Christy was with me. While I was clearing 
the table, I instructed my boys to get into the cart. After all, I purposely 
got the cart with two extra seats attached so they would all have a place to 
sit. Once I looked up, I saw that all three of my boys were standing in the 
back of Christy's cart, with her little boy sitting on the seat up front. 
(My youngest, by the way, managed to climb into Christy's cart from the back 
of my cart.) I gave up and sheepishly pushed my overly grown cart with no 
kids in it down the aisles while Christy maneuvered her smaller cart with all 
the boys inside of it.

As luck would have it, not less than five minutes under these circumstances, 
my boys decided they wanted out of the cart. The oldest boy literally jumped 
out. He did this by grabbing the cart of someone going the opposite 
direction and holding on for dear life. I think he scared that poor lady to 
death! The middle boy climbed out. The youngest cried until I picked him 
up. Within 30 seconds, the oldest had gotten away from me and was last seen 
headed down the sporting goods aisle. Moments later he whizzes by in 
someone's abandoned wheel chair. (At this point, all I could picture in my 
mind was someone uttering, "Help me! I've fallen and I can't get up!") 
Going down another aisle was the middle boy on a brand new bicycle, complete 
with training wheels. I did manage to grab some much-needed laundry 
detergent before chasing these fellows down. Christy went after one. I 
pursued the other. About ready to give up, with my youngest still in my 
arms, I found Christy in the office supply aisle with, you guessed it…my 
other two boys in the back of her cart. Thank goodness for Christy!

I did finally manage to get all of the items on my list, and then some. 
While I was picking up the last of my items, my oldest boy comes charging 
around the corner sporting a walking cane. My thoughts immediately went back 
to that wheelchair. "Alec! Take that back where you found it!" I commanded, 
at which point a rather weary-looking gentleman came around the corner. 
Alec dropped the cane and ran. I managed a grin and handed back the cane. 
"Oops!" I thought.

Finally in the checkout lane…two hours later and 35 items more, Christy and I 
began to collect our breath. Christy was in front of me and noticed that 
half of the items she was placing on the conveyer belt were not hers. 
"Alec!" I yelled. As I glanced across the rows of all the checkout lanes, I 
noticed several people looking bewildered as they were taking various items 
from their carts and placing them on the counters for purchase. Now I 
figured out where Alec puts the items he does not put back.

We all made it to our cars. Christy thanked me for a wonderful time. "We 
will have to do this again," she lied. I thanked her and loaded the boys 
into the car. The fighting between the three of them began before I even got 
the seat belts buckled.

I saw Christy put her now sleeping child in the car, unload her two bags into 
the trunk and drive off into the sunset. I still had 10 bags to put into the 
trunk and two other errands to run. As I got into the car, I glanced over at 
the car phone. "I wonder what my mom is doing this afternoon?" I mused.



Written by: Ann E. Butenas
http://www.anzpublications.com/ 
Date: May 22, 2000